12-20 A Gift

Hello everyone!

Today I was granted a special gift from God--a wonderful Snow Day!!! (You probably didn't realize it was just for me, did you?) I wasn't sure people still got those treats once you were not a part of a school family. But, here it is. I love it! It's just as much fun as when I was a kid--although my activities are different.

I did NOT go outside and build a snowman. I did NOT go sledding. I have NOT engaged in a single snowball fight with the neighbors. I've kept myself tucked in the house. Made fudge. Took a nap. I plan on doing some more cookies when I'm done with this blog. Just a quiet day to be home alone--well, not alone. I've got the two beast-dogs here.

First they want out. Then they want in. Then they want out. Then in. Get the idea? They love the snow but maybe it makes their little feet cold. The backyard looks terrible--all full of tracks and yellow spots. If I want to make real snow cones I'd better be sure to hit the front yard snow. :}

Today began my SIX DAY vacation from work!! I love my job, but I am sure ready to just be home and rest for six days. Sweats. No make up. Fuzzy socks. This is the life!!

For Christmas our schedule resembles something that an airport controller may have to look at. I have people coming and going, all at different times. It's crazy, but we have a three hour window when all five of the kids and their spouses and grandbaby will be here. We've had to modify our family traditions to fit this window.

December 21:
Sometime Paul gets here.

December 24:
Sometime this day Logan and Jenna come.
2:00 p.m. Luke arrives.
3:00 p.m. Grant, Angela, Payton hope to arrive (hoping that planes are not delayed!)
3:30 p.m. Lex, Corey, and Enoch come over.
3:45 p.m. Luke gives presents and gets presents.
4:45 p.m. Loy leaves for church.
5:00 p.m. Luke leaves.
5:15 p.m. Everyone leaves to go to church.
6:00 p.m. Church service.
7:30 p.m. Arrive back at our house.
7:35 p.m. Everyone gives and gets presents.
8:35 p.m. Late soup supper.
9:30 p.m. Logan and Jenna leave for Columbus
9:35 p.m. Lex, Corey, and Enoch head home.

Kind of busy, right? I'm working very hard to not be THAT mother-in-law who causes problems and demands things always go her way. Go with the flow. Bend like a willow. Don't sweat the small stuff. Chill. That's my motto. And it's hard to keep that in mind when our schedule looks so crazy.

So, if you're waiting for something profound or hilarious in this blog entry, sorry. Not happening today. I'm just resting and relaxing and chilling.

And I love, love, love it!!

I hope you get a chance to just be still during all this craziness we've made Christmas. To recharge your flagging batteries. To not have to actually cross anything off a "To Do" list. I wouldn't want to live like this all the time, but it's a delicious indulgence!!

Be still, and know that I am God!--Psalm 46:10

Love,
Kitt.

I love this story. I've probably posted it somewhere before. But it's just so darned good!!

The Man and the Birds 
by Paul Harvey

The man to whom I’m going to introduce you was not a scrooge, he was a kind decent, mostly good man. Generous to his family, upright in his dealings with other men. But he just didn’t believe all that incarnation stuff which the churches proclaim at Christmas Time. It just didn’t make sense and he was too honest to pretend otherwise. He just couldn’t swallow the Jesus Story, about God coming to Earth as a man.

“I’m truly sorry to distress you,” he told his wife, “but I’m not going with you to church this Christmas Eve.” He said he’d feel like a hypocrite. That he’d much rather just stay at home, but that he would wait up for them. And so he stayed and they went to the midnight service.

Shortly after the family drove away in the car, snow began to fall. He went to the window to watch the flurries getting heavier and heavier and then went back to his fireside chair and began to read his newspaper. Minutes later he was startled by a thudding sound…Then another, and then another. Sort of a thump or a thud…At first he thought someone must be throwing snowballs against his living room window. But when he went to the front door to investigate he found a flock of birds huddled miserably in the snow. They’d been caught in the storm and, in a desperate search for shelter, had tried to fly through his large landscape window.

Well, he couldn’t let the poor creatures lie there and freeze, so he remembered the barn where his children stabled their pony. That would provide a warm shelter, if he could direct the birds to it.

Quickly he put on a coat, galoshes, tramped through the deepening snow to the barn. He opened the doors wide and turned on a light, but the birds did not come in. He figured food would entice them in. So he hurried back to the house, fetched bread crumbs, sprinkled them on the snow, making a trail to the yellow-lighted wide open doorway of the stable. But to his dismay, the birds ignored the bread crumbs, and continued to flap around helplessly in the snow. He tried catching them…He tried shooing them into the barn by walking around them waving his arms…Instead, they scattered in every direction, except into the warm, lighted barn.

And then, he realized that they were afraid of him. To them, he reasoned, I am a strange and terrifying creature. If only I could think of some way to let them know that they can trust me…That I am not trying to hurt them, but to help them. But how? Because any move he made tended to frighten them, confuse them. They just would not follow. They would not be led or shooed because they feared him.

“If only I could be a bird,” he thought to himself, “and mingle with them and speak their language. Then I could tell them not to be afraid. Then I could show them the way to safe, warm…to the safe warm barn. But I would have to be one of them so they could see, and hear and understand.”

At that moment the church bells began to ring. The sound reached his ears above the sounds of the wind. And he stood there listening to the bells – Adeste Fidelis – listening to the bells pealing the glad tidings of Christmas.

And he sank to his knees in the snow.

Flying...as in Reindeer??

Good, Bad, or Ugly… Watley Top Ten Events of 2012

10. Loy was promoted to full professor at Nebraska Wesleyan University. He still enjoys playing the bass in the Faith Bible Church worship band. And I took on responsibility for some of the bookkeeping at the Lancaster County Medical Society

9. Dogs. Naughtier and naughtier. They love to jump the fence and chew and wrestle, but are beginning to settle down a little bit, now that they are 1-1/2 years old. Pip, the papi-poo, is on the right, Sparky, the shihtzu-poo, on the left. Their common thread? Poo.

8. Lots of fun travel: Phoenix with Luke, Arkansas-Missouri-Oklahoma with Luke and Loy, Michigan with Loy. Plus I got to meet a long-time pen pal and sneak in some fun times with dear friends. Loy and Grant and Paul went to San Diego to see the Padres. Paul took an Odyssey out west…a month-long trip to visit national parks and friends—just because he could.

7. Loy and I took a wonderful trip to North Captiva Island in October. No cars. No shopping. No work. No wi-fi!!  Walks on the beach, reading books, and sleeping in. Gorgeous sunsets. Great trip!

6. Loy broke his elbow in July. While the break itself did not seem too terribly serious, he has had months of physical therapy to regain full movement of his right arm. Luckily, he’s left-handed. His first thought after falling? “Oh no! I dropped my ice cream!”

5. After graduating from NWU with majors in Business Administration and Sports Management, Paul moved to Macomb, Illinois, for graduate school at Western Illinois University. But after one semester, he learned that he wants to be close to family and will be moving to Sioux Falls to enroll in University of Sioux Falls’ MBA program. Sports Information is his career track. He's on the left in this picture at his friend, Parker's wedding. Here’s what Paul says I should say: “Paul is, not only the smartest, most caring and funniest of our children, but he is also the best looking (and in all honesty, our favorite). Paul spends his free time making the world a better place with his great sense of humor and good looks. Paul's brothers, Logan and Grant, wish everyday that they were half the man that Paul is, but all they can do is hope because no one will ever be as manly as Paul.”

4. Logan and Jenna moved to Elkhorn, Nebraska. Jenna teaches 4^th grade for Elkhorn Public Schools and Logan is a CPA at Melotz and Wilson. They bought a house within sight-lines of Village Point Mall. Logan has run in two marathons—Boston (where the weather was SWELTERING) and was scheduled to run the New York Marathon (a week after Superstorm Sandy). Springfield, MO, substituted at the very last minute for NYC. Jenna got her Master’s degree in Educational Leadership from Doane. Logan’s response to Paul’s comments: “As long as we’re lying, I am Superman, drive a Ferrari, and stay up past 11 o'clock on the weekend.”

 

3. Alexis and Corey welcomed 18-year-old Ghanan Enoch Katani into their home. We love having him in our family. He is a junior at Lincoln East High School and enjoys playing soccer. In December Alexis will graduate from UNL with a Master’s in Actuarial Science and has accepted a job with Coventry Health in Omaha. Corey has been busy working on updating their Lincoln house. About all this trash talk from brothers, Lex says, “I’m staying out of it. Let the brothers have fun.”

2. After nearly four years, Luke went back to live with his biological mother. Her desire, not ours. We are sad.

1. Grant and Angela welcomed a little sweetie into their lives. Payton Lynn was born April 5 and we are now Grammy and Gramps!! YAY!! However, after giving us a taste of grandparenting in the same city, they moved so Grant could accept the job of Head Cross Country Coach at University of Sioux Falls. I think there are laws against this kind of elder-abuse. Also, in his spare time, he is well on his way to earning his Doctorate of Education in Sports Management from the U.S. Sports Academy. Angela graduated from Wesleyan with a degree in Health and Fitness and is totally enjoying being a mother—and doing a great job. And, by the way, Luke thinks he should be included in all pictures!! Grant’s rather verbose take on his life: “Grant is the most masculine of the brothers. In the past year he has increased his bench press to slightly over 350 pounds and can front squat nearly 800 pounds. His time is spent power lifting, toning his gluteals, and teaching aerobics to underprivileged children in Africa. Angela lives the life that many women dream of living. As if being married to Grant was not enough, she delivered the world’s cutest baby, Payton, into the world. Within minutes of Payton's arrival, the Pope, President Obama, and Santa Claus all called to congratulate her on a job well done. She spends her time scrapbooking Grant's power lifting competition medals and changing every one of Payton's diapers. Payton already has an IQ greater than her uncles’ combined IQs. While that isn’t much of an accomplishment, she is well on her way to a lucrative professional sumo wrestling career.”

            

We’ve had some tough times this year as well as some great times and God has been so faithful to us. Things have not always gone the way we want, but we can say, without hesitation, that God is good. All the time.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!! Love, Loy and Kitt

12-1 Flying with a Backwards Glance

Christmastime. I love it. Except for the realization, as I am pulling out all my favorite decorating items, that in one month's time I have to put them all away again. My German pessimism coming out again, I'm afraid.

Growing up it was so magical it almost hurt to wait and wait and wait for the Big Day. We always opened our presents on Christmas Eve, right after a beautiful church service, complete with every person getting to light a candle while singing "Silent Night." After that Mom would have a table set with goodies and munchies.

My brothers were much older than Bunny and I (hmmm...guess they still are!), so they were married and starting their families during these golden memory times. We were always glad they married girls from our town so we could have them on the 24th and they would spend the 25th at the in-laws. One time Den and Gail arrived after we had left for church. When we returned they told me that I had "just missed Santa. And we petted Rudolph!" That was kind of a bummer guys!! To just miss him!

I remember the first Christmas after I was told the stark reality of certain fictional-characters-that-I-thought-were-real. Bummer. I was really sad. So I determined I wouldn't go that route with my own kiddoes. While we watched "Rudolf" or "Frosty," we always told them he was pretend. One time 3-year-old Logan told the neighbor boy that "Santa is dead." We never said that!! Really!

I was always in charge of decorating the tree. Daddy had about 12 strings of lights that he required to be on-tree. He loved the flashing ones. Not sequenced. The kind where whole chunks of your tree go black for awhile then light up again. So, needless to say, our tree was a mass of flashing lights. And also, needless to say, we use two strings on our tree now and NONE of them flash or sequence. :)

Mom loved to shop. No, she LOVED to shop. With tons of presents under the tree she and I had a battle going. She would make piles of presents. Here was my pile. Here was Bun's pile. Here were the piles for the boys. That didn't go over well with me. I'd get home from school and artistically arrange the presents under the tree--all mixed up. When I got home the next day there were the piles. How annoying that must've been to her! When you opened one she would invariably say, "That was originally $89. . . I got it for $3." That would be followed by, "You can return it if you want."

My dad always bought each of us girls one gift. He would go out on Christmas Eve Day and buy it. It was always so special to us, whatever he got. Earrings (the Christmas after Mom let me get my ears pierced against Daddy's wishes), a robe, and, gee, I can't remember any other gifts from him!

We've kept some of the traditions. Open presents on  Christmas Eve after going to church. (When we have lived someplace that didn't have a Christmas Eve service we told the kids they had to wait for the first star to come out. Or, in cloudy weather, for the street lamps to come on. I went with the three presents per person: one clothes, one useful, and one fun. Now that there are married kids I've adapted to three gifts per couple: one couple gift and one for each person in the couple. I'm going to have to write another chapter on dealing with grandchildren...I'd buy them everything if I don't have a rule to follow!

I just found out a few years ago that we have a tradition that I make cheesy potato soup each Christmas Eve. I didn't realize I did that all the time, but  now it's written down in the Watley Manual (that the kids think we have.)

Loy buys the stocking stuffers (errr...I mean Santa leaves the stocking stuffers). They are elaborately filled with all sorts of goodies. One item is always a new toothbrush. The rest can vary. There are so many things that usually it is a pile topped with a flat stocking so we know who gets what. We've told the kids that only people who stay overnight here on Christmas Eve get stockings. There have been grumblings in the ranks over this. :)

It seems like there has been a trend among us Christians to put a damper on my celebrations. Like I'm wrong to want to buy my kids presents and that if I don't have a "Happy Birthday, Jesus" cake I'm some sort of a heathen. But you know, the Bible doesn't tell us to celebrate Jesus's birth like it does tell us to celebrate other things. There are no rules written there. I've been pondering that lately.

What do I really love about Christmas?

I LOVE giving my loved ones gifts that I have thoughtfully purchased. I think I actually probably love giving more than getting. (But, kids, don't get any ideas!) It's not so much the gift itself but the fact that someone thought about me and chose a specific item thinking it would make me happy.  "So if you sinful people know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give good gifts to those who ask him.  Matthew 7:10-12 I am not going to apologize to anyone giving gifts to those I love.

I LOVE being with my family. Love, love, love it. And it struck me that when I get to heaven it might be like that...a homecoming. Joy at seeing everyone. Lots of talking and laughing and loving spending time together. Just a thought I had...

I LOVE eating special foods. Things we don't eat any other time of year. Divinity. Grandma Rogers Sugar Cookies with frosting (even though I am the worst cookie decorator EVER. They still taste fantastic!)

I LOVE thinking about a baby born in a manger to a young virgin and the wise men and the shepherds. That is a wonderful historical image. But you know, that doesn't give life. It's miraculous, but we weren't saved when He was born.

It isn't about the miracles Jesus did while He was here on earth. Those are amazing. They are wonderful. I don't know why He show Himself in so many miracles now. But, they don't give life.

It's not even just about His dying on the cross. Lots of people have died on crosses throughout history. That doesn't give us life.

It's about what happened AFTER the cross that is life giving. Life changing. Like nothing ever. Jesus was on that cross dying thinking of me. Taking the penalty for the sins I would commit. Being separated from His Father because of me. But, the great news, He rose again. For me.

It was His gift. But, it will do me no good at all if I leave it in a pile under the tree.

I'm not going to lie. I don't understand it all. I don't know why it had to be this way. But I KNOW that I KNOW that I KNOW that it is true.

Here's one of my favorite Christmas songs. Hope you like it.

Merry Christmas!!!

It's not just about the manger
Where the baby lay
It's not all about the angels
Who sang for him that day

It's not just about the shepherds
Or the bright and shining star
It's not all about the wisemen
Who travelled from afar

It's about the cross
It's about my sin
It's about how Jesus came to be born once
So that we could be born again

It's about the stone
That was rolled away
So that you and I could have real life someday

It's about the cross
It's about the cross

It's not just about the presents
Underneath the tree
It's not all about the feeling
That the season brings to me
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/g/go_fish/about_the_cross.html ]
It's not just about coming home
To be with those you love
It's not all about the beauty
In the snow I'm dreaming of

The beginning of the story is wonderful and great
But it's the ending that can save you and that's why we celebrate

It's about the cross
It's about my sin
It's about how Jesus came to be born once
So that we could be born again

It's about God's love
Nailed to a tree
It's about every drop of blood that flowed from Him when it should have been me

It's about the stone
That was rolled away
So that you and I could have real life someday
So that you and I could have real life someday

It's about the cross
It's about the cross



<pre><span style='font-size:1.5em'>Go Fish - About The Cross lyrics</span>

<a href="http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/g/go_fish/about_the_cross.html" target="_blank" title="About The Cross lyrics by Go Fish">Go Fish - About The Cross lyrics | LyricsMode.com</a>

11-25 Sometimes I Crash

Happy Thanksgiving to All!

It was a wonderful weekend. The wonderfulness began on Tuesday when I went in to work and my boss told me that, if I would like, I could work a bit late on Tuesday and take Wednesday off!! Do you think I took her up on that? Of course!!

At 7:00 a.m. Paul went over and picked Luke up for a "Boys Only" drive up to Sioux Falls. Luke kept saying he was on a "road trip" with Paul. And Paul definitely knows how to road trip! Then, while Paul was touring 9 apartments (he's moving up there next month) Luke was with Grant and Angela and  the cousins. They went to a park and played and played with Payton and went out to eat for "Man Night."

"Man Night" (a/k/a Gorge Yourself on Meat and Junk Food, Play Lots of Video Games, and Burp As Much as Possible Night) is celebrated annually on the Wednesday evening prior to Thanksgiving. It originated back in November 2005 with the Watley Boys and Matt Stull and has evolved to a multi-generational event. While the female species is allowed to cook and shop for this evening, they are not included in the festivities, thank goodness!  :)

Thursday was full of wonderful family and tremendous food. Loy's parents, Loy's brother and family, Alexis and Corey and Enoch, Grant and Angela and Payton, Paul, and Luke. Logan and Jenna were on the rotation to go to her side of the family this year, so we muddled through without them. Highlights? Seeing Dolores walking back and forth in front of her new holographic picture to see it change. Naming all the Duggar kids. Watching some of the kids playing basketball out in the backyard.

We came home on Friday evening (after watching the Husker game). Bo Pelini can thank Dolores for the win. When things looked a little grim she got out her musical Husker hat and began playing that for inspiration. I'm sure the team felt the good vibe and picked it up after that. Then we had to drop Luke off, our visit being over.

Paul was here, in and out, for this past week. He had some trouble connecting with any friends but did manage a few meals out with buds. Next semester he is transferring to University of Sioux Falls where he will work towards his MBA. He found an apartment and will begin to look for a job once he gets up there in a few weeks.

Now, the crashing part. Saturday night it just hit me like a pile of bricks. I felt about 100-years-old, like life has just passed me by. The best is over. My kids are no longer in my home. My hair is graying and my jowls are falling. I wear bifocals and can't always see things clearly. While I love my job, it does keep me from the motivation to do things like decorate for Christmas. My dogs poop on the floor. My little boy doesn't live here anymore and I can remember little things like singing in church with him. The life I always dreamed of happened some time in my 30's. Isn't this depressing???

How did this happen? I don't think I like the highlights of my life being those few times when we can all get together. (Although I have a great trip planned for all of us in June!) I need to work on finding what this stage of life looks like and EMBRACING it. Not focusing on mourning how it used to be. I grumped then, too.

Usually I think I am a pretty upbeat person. My life went on when first my mom and then my dad died when I was in my 20's. I didn't mourn when the kids went off to college. I kept my sense of humor through cancer. I'm pretty sure this funk will pass tomorrow morning. But, for today, I feel sad.

Crash.

I'll go pet the naughty dogs. And give Loy a hug. Maybe take a long bath and read a book.

God will carry me in His arms. (Ps. 68:19b) and I'll snuggle up to Him and just rest.

11-5 Comes and Goes

That title seems to sum up a lot of my life lately. Things come and then they go.

Luke came here yesterday. YAY! But it seems like each time he comes it takes a little longer for our boy to show up. I don't mean physically. When he gets here it's like he's not the same boy we had before. He's had lots of experiences and we haven't been a part of them. He brought us a school picture of himself yesterday and had written "To Loy and Kitt" on the back. That really hurt, even though I had told him before he left that he could call us whatever he wanted.

But then, after the "new" wears off, he's back to our goofy little guy...just a goofball with long hair. He usually makes his first stop when he gets home to take his doggies outside and run them. They are thrilled!! Part of the time they don't even play together. But he feels safe with them out with him and they feel safe with him out with them, so they all stay out and play.

Today we asked some friends from last year (Levi and Evan) over to play. We got a call about half an hour before they were to come that keys had been lost and they wouldn't be able to make it. He was very sad. "When will I ever get to see them? I haven't seen them forever. Why can't they come?" I tried to distract him by offering to finish "Narnia" that we had started last night. He stayed in the chair looking out the window for about five minutes, then came in to watch. After a little bit the phone rang. You guessed it, the keys had been found and Levi and Evan would be here, just a little late. Luke said, "I know why they found their keys." I asked why. "Because I prayed for it." I'm so proud. His little heart was breaking and he prayed for his friends to come. Thank you, Jesus, for saying "Yes" to my Luke! They are downstairs making a terrible mess right now and loving every minute of it. I won't even be sad to clean it up later!

I will have days where I think, "Yes, my life is much simpler without Luke." I mean, I don't have to get up (really until 10:00, but I never sleep that late!). I don't have to drive clear down to Lincoln Christian. I can work until I'm ready to go home--don't have to make sure I'm out the door by 3:00 to pick him up at school. I can cook what Loy and I want to eat--don't have to think of a 6-year-old palate. I'm not going to lie--there are some nice benefits to being empty-nesters.

I think I'd give it all to have my little monkey sleeping in his bed every night.

God has chosen to put Luke where he's at. I don't understand how that could be better. I argue with God all the time about that. But the fact is we prayed for God to put Luke where He wants him to be and it's not with us. Trust. That's what we need to do...trust.

Today I was cleaning the kitchen and some zippy music came on my iPod speakers. I began to dance. (Not that unusual for me.) Luke had his back to me and I looked over and he was dancing away. All on his own. So at least I taught him to dance when the music is fun.

Sadness comes and goes. Luke comes and goes. Dancing music comes and goes. It's like in the Bible where it says, "and it came to pass." That means things will get better, right?

On an unrelated note, Logan was all set to run the NY Marathon tomorrow. He was on his way to the airport yesterday when I got the message, and passed it along to him, that it had been cancelled. So they made a quick change and turned south for him to run in Springfield, MO. He has a goal to run the World's Top 5 Marathons. When he ran Boston the temperature was 95 degrees or so. NYC--hurricane hits. I think he should give up running! (Well, maybe not really.)

Guess this is dull. I'll sign off now.

Kitt.

10-23 Flying: The Dream

Back in the day, when Loy and I were just young and carefree and starting to have a tiny bit of money to invest, we met with an investment counselor. He asked us what our goals were. We were so clueless!! We came up with very few. The only one I can even remember is that we said we wanted to be able to travel and take nice vacations. The counselor was rather stunned...he said our goals were really more modest than about anyone he'd ever counseled. That's probably just a nice way to say we were living in a naive little dream world!!

We HAVE travelled quite a bit...vacations to Michigan, Florida, Texas, Colorado (Dude Ranch), Georgia (private island), Jamaica, Bahamas, Hawaii, San Diego, Table Rock Lake, Minnesota, Mt. Rushmore (Or Mt. Mushroom, as little Paul used to say), Cancun, Phoenix, Maine, Outer Banks, Seattle...just to name those that come to mind right away. Some in motels, some in cabins, some at resorts, some with family. I've tried to mix it up each year, although my heart is ALWAYS at the beach.

I get an idea and then become obsessed with trying to find the perfect spot. I'll scour the internet (before the internet it was scouring travel books and magazines.) I'll look up reviews and try to find out of the way places or something unusual. I'll look at probably hundreds of places before one, for some strange reason, will sort of jump out at me and I'll think, "Hey. Maybe this is IT." And we've been pretty happy with most of our trips.

So, it is not surprising that I've become obsessed with "House Hunters International" (HHI) I started out with just a little recreational "House Hunters" addiction. But then, soon, it wasn't enough. I had to watch both shows. Then "House Hunters" didn't even touch my need. I just became annoyed at those people. And the houses seemed so much the same. Just hardcore HHI for me.

In case you've been living in a cave, HHI is a show about people who are looking to rent or buy a place to live in a foreign country. I tell myself that I watch it to see what other cultures are like. Right. And some men get "Playboy" to read the articles.

Here are some truths I have learned from "HHI."

1. Life in the US is hectic and busy. The only way to escape that is to move to another country.
2. Tell the realtor that you want to live explore the country's culture. Then pick out a house that is as close to a house here in the US as is possible.
3. Living near the city center is always a must.
4. You cannot survive without at least three bedrooms and 2 bathrooms.
5. Act extremely amazed and surprised when they show you the dorm-sized refrigerator.
6. You must be near the beach.
7. Everyone must have room to entertain. (Maybe that is why life seems so hectic...we're always entertaining!)
8. When it comes time to state your budget, tell the realtor much, much less than you can pay. They will ignore whatever you say anyway.
9. Go into any house and whine about how the floors are not too nice or that it's too cramped or that the kitchen is not modern or the bathroom is small. All these things MUST be changed immediately.
10. If you can imaging yourself sitting out on the patio having a cup of coffee or drinking a glass of wine, it must be the place for you.

I find myself wishing I was moving to these countries for a time. Then I realize, "We did that!" I wasn't in on the apartment hunt, but we did live in a foreign country for a year. That was us!! We can take another sabbatical in 2016 (I think). I'm starting to work on Loy now--studying at University of Bahamas sounds good, doesn't it?

Loy emailed me an article from the Wall Street Journal about a retired couple who sold their house and lives out their dream of travel. They go wherever they want in the world and live in different cultures for 4-6 weeks in each place. They rent a vacation rental type house and just absorb the culture. It sounded really cool to me. Without having to pay for house payments or insurance or utilities, their investments give them $6,000/month. Sometimes they overspend (depending on where they're living). But then they'll pick some really cheap place for the next place to balance it out. Some days they play tourist. Others they just stay home and do laundry or take a walk. I kind of liked that idea. When traveling from one continent to another they take cruises that are moving their ships. The cruise may take 2-3 weeks (from US to Europe) but it's slow and they adjust to the time difference slowly and it's cheap if you time it right. Sounds great to me!

The "fly in the ointment" is family. Living in England for ten months about killed me--I missed out on the planning for two of my kids' weddings. I couldn't see my friends or family. I was lonely. As much as I love Loy, I don't think he'd be enough for me week in, week out!  (Sorry, Honey!) And, now that we have a GrandSweetie, how could I ever leave that bundle???

But, it's something to dream about. Who knows....

10-17 Soaring...for Awhile

This past summer, when it became evident that we were going to be forced down the road towards living Luke-less, Loy and I decided that we needed to have something fun in the works. Something to do together after all this hurt and sadness. Something to prove that life will go on and we will have fun.

If you don't know me well you may not realize that I absolutely LOVE to plan vacations. It's almost as much fun to plan as it is to go. I scour the internet, looking for the perfect spot to suit my agenda for the trip. It becomes an obsession until I make my decision. I've taken our family to Maine to stay in an old house on the Penobscot Bay. We've stayed on the Little Glenn Lake in Michigan. Dude ranch in Colorado. Private island off the coast of Georgia. (I don't think Jamaica and Hawaii count, as my good friend planned those...we just tagged along.) Some have been better than others, but all have had their highlights.

For this trip we had some criteria:  we only had Thursday at 4:00 p.m. until Tuesday night; we didn't want a city this time--we craved quiet, restful, calm; a beach would be wonderful; if I'm going to the beach, I want my cabin to be ON THE BEACH (not one house in, not across a street. I want to go out my door and be on the beach); warm. Do you get the feel for what I was looking for?

There is a wonderful website (and they're not even paying me to say this!): www.vrbo.com  People list their vacation homes for rent. We have used them several times and always had a good experience. So I typed in my dates and beachfront (being sure to say I wanted something small. We didn't need a "sleeps 20" type house!) One of the choices caught my eye and that was the one we eventually booked--North Captiva Island, Florida.

There is Captiva Island which is beautiful but touristy. Then there is a separate island called NORTH Captiva. Getting there involved us taking two planes from Omaha to Fort Myers. An overnight stay in a hotel, then a taxi ride for an hour to Pine Island Marina, where we caught the ferry to the island. No cars allowed on the island. Golf carts were as wild as it got.

We had to order our groceries ahead of time on the mainland and pick them up on the way because the island has no grocery. There are four restaurants, a boat marina, a shirt/ice cream shop, and a convenience store. That's it. One day we lunched at Barnacle Phil's. Our tab was $53!!! Prices on the island were a bit high.  Our little one room (plus bathroom) cottage was right on the beach, bay side.

I hate to bore you but we slept late, read a lot, walked on all the beaches, picked up shells, played games, and ate. We loved every single minute of it. There was no wi fi in our cottage to Loy's dismay (I personally enjoyed that fact!) He did drive our golf cart over to one of the restaurant's parking lots twice to get on their wireless.

We had a friendly lizard in our cottage, about 3 inches long. We named him "Lenny" and he was our friend until one day I wanted to brush my teeth and he was right there. I told Loy, "You've got to get rid of 'that lizard.'" Loy went in and grabbed his tail. Then he came walking out with just the tail, still moving!! Lenny had ditched the tail.

We saw ten dolphins playing in the water one day. Two turtles. Some impressive bird (I thought it was an eagle--do they live that far south?) The guest book talked about seeing manatees, but we didn't get a glimpse of any of those. And one nasty looking roach-y bug out on the trail.

We drove to Sunset Beach every evening to watch the sunset. I don't know if I have EVER sat and watched a sunset before. We would sit on a stretch of beach probably 300 feet long. One evening two old ladies were walking along the beach talking and shelling and watching the sunset. They meandered in front of us and chose that exact moment to stop and take pictures!! All that beach and right in front of us!! One finally looked around and then realized what they were doing. We all had a laugh over that. It was a fun ritual. Very relaxing.

It was hard to leave such a beautiful place. We felt refreshed and relaxed and ready to retire! We felt like we were really trying our wings.

The problem with our whole rationale behind this trip is that now it is over. While we were gone it was sort of like other vacations we had taken before without Luke. Just a momentary separation.

"Can't you just picture Luke sleeping on this little couch?"

"Wouldn't Luke love to be buried in this white sand?"

"What would Luke think of swimming in the ocean?"

"Luke would think this shell is so cool!"

Now that we're home it feels like loss again. I still think our plan was sound. Maybe I just didn't prepare myself enough for coming home.

On the bright side...tomorrow (Thursday) Luke joins us for a two sleep visit!! YAY!! I talked with him on Sunday and he said, "I want to take a nap but I can't because I'm talking to you." Oh. Since when does he want to take a nap??? In four years I can probably count on one hand the number of times he napped!! I said, "Do you want me to hang up?" He admitted that he would rather stay on the phone with me. I'll take whatever consolation I can!

We're thinking North Captiva Island may be our new fall break tradition. We saw these two birds and thought they represented us...hanging in there together.

10-6 Celebration Party Night

Hello Again,

Yesterday was our first visit with Luke since he left our care. It was so thrilling and hard and complex, all in one.

We had decided ahead of time that we were not going to tell him "We've missed you so much!!!" We have, but we thought that might make him feel bad and discontent and guilty if he didn't miss us when he left. So we have focused on saying, "We are SO GLAD to see you!!!" and trying to emphasize the positive. And we were!

We went and watched his little flag football game on Tuesday. In my mind he would come running across the field, jumping into my arms with the biggest hug you've ever seen. In reality he ignored us during the game. Afterwards we went over to where they were taking pictures and getting snacks. I had to call him over and then had to ask for a hug. He gave it, but didn't talk to us. It was kind of shattering. But I understood. There was, undoubtedly, a lot of confusion..."I live with them now...am I supposed to hug you still?  What can I say? Am I supposed to talk to you?" I'm sure this will lighten as we get more and more visit-history behind us. It was still tough on me.

Last night he came in with huge hugs and kisses. It was glorious.

I've decided to make our every other Friday night just a family night for now. I made his favorite (shrimp and edamame) and he and I whipped up some Rice Krispie treats right before supper. We used goblets for our milk and had candles on the table. (Nothing but the snazziest at my house!) After supper he played with the dogs outside. Then it was shower time.

After he was clean and jammed we played several rounds of UNO. He mopped up on Loy and me. He was so excited, "I won! I won!" That's when the mom in me lectured that you always have to be a good sport and tell the other person "Good Game." He came back with, "Good Game, Losers!" I think we need a little work on our sportsmanship.

We convinced Loy to make the best nachos in the world for our snack (he really is renowned in our family for that), cozied up with a bottle of root beer (isn't root beer always so much better in a glass bottle?) and we watched one of the Muppet movies until really, really late (9:45!!) It was so great to snuggle up with my boy and give him lots of loves and squeezes.

Today was Donut Day with Loy, then we just hung out and read books and baked bread. We also sorted out all the toys in the basement, which was so fun. Many of those toys hadn't seen the light of day for years. All afternoon we sat pretty much side by side and talked to each other on walkie talkies. That was pretty lame and annoying, let me tell you!! And, call me old fashioned, but we did NOT play video games. I'm not going to waste what little time I had on that.

We Watleys are nothing if not exciting, aren't we? But I am convinced that it's the little routines that make things memorable and special. I'm going to try and follow this same game plan for all our visits (but I know there will be exceptions).

I'll admit that, when Luke was in our care, there were Saturdays that just dragged on and on and on...I would think, "Isn't it time to put him to bed yet???" But this weekend the clock hands just seemed to be on fast forward. Before I knew it, it was 4:30 and time to take him back.

But at least now we realize that the sun will still come up tomorrow and that we will see our little guy in 12 sleeps and next time we get two sleeps over here!!! YIPPEE!!

Sleep well, little Lukie. I love you.

9-29 Elisabeth Elliot had it Right

"Do the next thing." Or words to that effect.

That's what I remember Elisabeth Elliot for--that saying that means you don't have to conquer it all at once. Just do one step at a time. Keep moving.

At the end of probably the toughest week of my life, I'm trying to decide just what to write. I don't want to be a total downer--I just can't live life like that.

I had decided to give myself one week to totally wallow in my own self-pity. On Tuesday, instead of going to Luke's football game, I was on the couch watching 147 episodes of "House Hunters International." I haven't cooked since Monday. My kitchen looked like a wreck. I told myself that I could stay in bed late in the mornings (since I don't have to be to work until 11:00).

But, Thursday morning I woke up and thought, "Enough of this." And I set out to do the next thing. I cleaned the kitchen. Made the bed. Made a list. And you know what? It felt good to be doing something again.

Throughout this whole process I have felt like no one but us was actually looking out for Luke's best interests. For where he would have the best chance for success. So I prayed that God, who loves Luke more than I do, as hard as that is to believe, would look out for Luke. Would place him wherever he needed to be, even if it was not with me. And I meant that prayer.

BUT...I DID think that if God was going to place him somewhere besides with me, He would change my feelings. Make me believe it. And I don't. Make me think, "Yeah, he should go over there." But I never said that. Never thought that.

I guess that's where trust comes in. I don't feel it but I have to believe that God is looking out for Luke. That may be through some tough times. I may not understand it at all. But I need to just trust. And keep moving and doing the next thing.

I don't pray that he'll come back here. Now that he's moved, it is best for him to stay there. Imagine how hard that would be to him to have to move yet again!!! Changing parents twice is hard enough, I think.

I pray that he will be safe. I pray that he will not be sad. I pray that he will choose good friends who love God. I pray that he will be obedient at school. I pray that he will sleep well without nightmares. I pray he will know that we love him--always that.

This has been a tough, tough week. And I don't know when it'll get any easier. I talked with him on the phone today for the first time and had to sign off earlier than I would like because I was emotional. His little voice...

These songs calm me down. They remind me to Trust. I believe that God has a plan. I believe that I do not understand it right now. I believe that sometimes trust and belief are choices to be made--not feelings. So, I am choosing to believe.  (And, I must mention, that these are friends of ours in Huddersfield, England, singing these songs.)

As much as this hurts, and it is terrible, in light of what's to come in eternity this will be just a snap of the fingers. My mind cannot comprehend this, but I cannot see the big picture. I can only see this puny time in my little life that is nothing compared to eternity.

Thanks for praying for us. We appreciate each one. We need it to make it through.

Kitt.

Oh, and I needed to end with a happy, make-you-smile picture of my sweetie granddaughter, Payton!

Now what?

So, since it's all about me and everyone is probably just hanging around waiting for me to write the next installment, here's where we're at right now...

Do you ever feel like you're just on the verge of tears, so you distract yourself? I walk around like that all day long. (Well, except when I'm at work...then I'm totally concentrating on medical care and the cost of hemorrhoid surgeries...) One word, a certain thought, a hug from a friend can set me off. I've debated the wisdom of pushing all those thoughts away. Once I get going crying it's tough to stop. But you need to let it all out sometimes, right? I bottle it all up until late at night. Don't call me around 10pm, OK?

Then I look up at the picture of my little Crusader football player and try to remember what it felt like when he'd give me a great hug (or rub my earlobes. He went through a phase when my earlobes were "so soft" that he felt the need to feel them constantly. I thought I was going to end up with earlobes down to my shoulders!)

The best way I can describe what I feel like is to say someone has taken a cheese grater and rubbed it all over my emotions. Can you feel how raw and painful that would feel?

I wanted to go to his football game last night. I thought it would probably be good for him to see me and that I would still be there. But I couldn't do it. It just all seems too fresh. I stayed home.

No one takes theses dogs outside to throw the ball like he did every day after school. They have no one  to leave yogurt containers out that they can steal. The dogs are sad. (On a related note, anyone want two doggies? One year old, females. Papi-poo and shih-poo. Spayed. Complete with beds and food. Enthusiastic dogs. Exuberant dogs. Excellent with kids, but need someone who can channel their energy. Pip and Sparky.)

But...we can eat supper without constant interruptions. I don't have to be sure that I leave work by the stroke of 3:00 p.m. to go get him at school. I can sleep in next Saturday. I just had myself to worry about during church last Sunday. I'd give it all away to have him back.

I realize that what I am going through is nothing compared to some of you. Some of you have had to say good bye for the rest of your earthly life to your loved little ones. I feel selfish for my pain and worry. Some of you have been so gracious offering me words of comfort. It has meant ALOT!

One woman wrote that I will feel better someday. I will be able to sing all the songs at church and not feel like they're scraping that cheese-grater-ed emotion. I will be able to talk about Luke without crying. Not today. Probably not next week. Maybe in a year. That gave me comfort. Someday.

We dedicated Luke to the Lord in front of the church when we lived in England. Here is a transcript of that service:

Pastor Colin:

Lord, we want to just say what a privilege it is for this little boy to be in this family. And we pray, God, that as they seek to bring him up in the Knowledge of Jesus, we know that Luke is not here by accident, that Loy and Kitt do not have him by accident. He’s here on purpose in this family, he’s here by design in this family. And we know that this is the best family he could’ve been put in because you chose this family, so it’s the perfect family for him.

And we pray that as Luke begins to see church, begins to see the Lord Jesus in the house of the Lord, we pray that he will quickly get a revelation from a young age and he’ll begin to see Jesus for himself in a real way. From this age let him take into his spirit, into his heart, into his mind the pearls of the Kingdom an understanding of salvation and let this boy, called Luke, Lord, I pray in the name of Jesus, know what it is to walk with the Lord.

And I just sense the Lord would say this, “From the atoms that were created at the beginning of the galaxy when they were thrown into space, the atoms that were meant to be Luke were purposed for this generation.”

Says the Lord, even now, “You might think it was by default you took this boy into your family. You may think it was by default that you have him this day but,” says your God, “it was not by default, it was by design and, because it was designed and Luke this day is here, because the atoms that I created, the atoms that I put together, the atoms that were formed in his mother’s womb, were purposed for this day, for this time, to be in your family and,” says the Lord, “I will, even this day, come upon you and you will be like parents to this young man and I will give you wisdom. I will give you wisdom of understanding that you have never had yourselves, even bringing up your own children. I’m going to go beyond that and I’m going to give you a greater wisdom for a unique situation. I’m going to give you unique wisdom for a unique time for a unique little boy.

“And this little boy called Luke, even now, I gave him his name before the foundation and the pillars of the world were set in place. He is going to be a Luke. He’s going to be a master medical doctor in the things of the world. He will be a spiritual doctor mending lives, mending broken hearts, mending those who don’t know where to turn,” says the Lord.

“I have given him this name called Luke because I have purposed Luke to be the man I created him to be. And,” says the Lord, “even when you worry about him, even when things do not seem to be working out, remember what I have said--his life belongs to Me and I have designed him to function for Me.”

  

Pastor Andrew: 

Hey Luke. God wants you to know that you’re very special. You’re very special to God. You’re very special to all those people out there, isn’t that right?

God created you to a purpose. You belong to him. That’s why your name is Luke Christian. So you have to always remember that on this day God said to you you’re very special to Him and He loves you with all His heart and He has a big, big heart and He has some big plans for you. They’re exciting plans. So you remember that.

And I just feel for the two of you, just two words. And I kind of know the situation but I really sense, in my heart, as Colin was prophesying, before the beginning of time God had this day planned. And there are so many questions floating around, but two words, “God knows. God knows. God knows.” And in all the things ahead, God knows. Let that settle into your heart. The Bible says, “Even though my mother and father forsake me, the Lord will receive me.” And God has such a plan for Luke that he placed you guys in his life. Remember God knows. Don’t worry about the future. He holds the future in his hands.

I'll try to always remember...God Knows.

Getting Through It 9-20

Hello,

The past five years or so have been really hard ones for me. . . cancer, leaving for England, getting Luke, and now losing Luke. One thing I have discovered is that the way I process things is to write about them. Some crazy people have said that they like to read what I write, so I've started a new blog to journal all this, if you're interested.

Anyhow, almost four years ago we got our little Lukie. He was naughty...so naughty. I remember the first rest time I put him in. When I came to "release" him he had overturned his night stand and toys were everywhere. Another time he took all the knobs off his dresser. Or the time he snuck out into the garage during rest time and was playing in the Loy's jeep when Loy came home. He hightailed it back to his bedroom but left his shoes and a few toys in the jeep, so we caught him. 

He cried out during the night every night...not waking up, just crying. When I went in his room he wouldn't wake up. Just cried. The only thing that consoled him was to sit in my lap and I sang. And sang.

There were many days when he sat on my lap and we sang. Song after song. For hours. 

I remember the "Poopy Trophy." That coveted award was presented after someone went five days without pooping in his pants. He's still got it sitting on his desk.

We would take long walks. He'd walk or run beside me as I pushed the jogging stroller. Then, when he got tired, he'd climb in and eat the snack that was waiting for him. After a rest he'd get out and finish the walk.

We've sat at the dining table and played dominoes or Labrynth or UNO. I can do a 100-piece puzzle with the best of them (although I always saved the last 5 or so pieces for him to do). We've played Play-dough, although I'm terrible. I can only make snakes or balls. 

I've sent him to time out, sent him to his room, and, on occasion, spanked that little bottom. I've sat in the audience during graduations and programs and sports events. 

I've gotten in bed with him at night and played "The Question Game." How many times have I answered what animal I like best or what kind of car I would like to drive?

I think back to those times, then compare him to the confident, funny, obedient kid he is now. He still can be naughty and sassy. He still does things that drive me crazy. He still has much, much energy to burn. 

I love him. He's my boy. 

So, last Tuesday when the gavel struck and the judge said, "Guardianship is terminated." it was the beginning of the end. My little boy is leaving us. Saturday. Two days away. And I don't know how I can even pretend to do this.

Right now I can see nothing good of this. It hurts...terribly. I cry often. But I know that I know that God is here. That there must be some crazy plan that He knows. I don't always feel this in my heart, but my head knows. 

"For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways," says the Lord. "For as the heavens are higher than the earth so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts." That verse is written on the huge chalkboard in my kitchen. At the bottom are three little words, written in 1st grade handwriting...

"I Love Mom."

I love you too, Lukie. Always will.