Happy Thanksgiving to All!
It was a wonderful weekend. The wonderfulness began on Tuesday when I went in to work and my boss told me that, if I would like, I could work a bit late on Tuesday and take Wednesday off!! Do you think I took her up on that? Of course!!
At 7:00 a.m. Paul went over and picked Luke up for a "Boys Only" drive up to Sioux Falls. Luke kept saying he was on a "road trip" with Paul. And Paul definitely knows how to road trip! Then, while Paul was touring 9 apartments (he's moving up there next month) Luke was with Grant and Angela and the cousins. They went to a park and played and played with Payton and went out to eat for "Man Night."
"Man Night" (a/k/a Gorge Yourself on Meat and Junk Food, Play Lots of Video Games, and Burp As Much as Possible Night) is celebrated annually on the Wednesday evening prior to Thanksgiving. It originated back in November 2005 with the Watley Boys and Matt Stull and has evolved to a multi-generational event. While the female species is allowed to cook and shop for this evening, they are not included in the festivities, thank goodness! :)
Thursday was full of wonderful family and tremendous food. Loy's parents, Loy's brother and family, Alexis and Corey and Enoch, Grant and Angela and Payton, Paul, and Luke. Logan and Jenna were on the rotation to go to her side of the family this year, so we muddled through without them. Highlights? Seeing Dolores walking back and forth in front of her new holographic picture to see it change. Naming all the Duggar kids. Watching some of the kids playing basketball out in the backyard.
We came home on Friday evening (after watching the Husker game). Bo Pelini can thank Dolores for the win. When things looked a little grim she got out her musical Husker hat and began playing that for inspiration. I'm sure the team felt the good vibe and picked it up after that. Then we had to drop Luke off, our visit being over.
Paul was here, in and out, for this past week. He had some trouble connecting with any friends but did manage a few meals out with buds. Next semester he is transferring to University of Sioux Falls where he will work towards his MBA. He found an apartment and will begin to look for a job once he gets up there in a few weeks.
Now, the crashing part. Saturday night it just hit me like a pile of bricks. I felt about 100-years-old, like life has just passed me by. The best is over. My kids are no longer in my home. My hair is graying and my jowls are falling. I wear bifocals and can't always see things clearly. While I love my job, it does keep me from the motivation to do things like decorate for Christmas. My dogs poop on the floor. My little boy doesn't live here anymore and I can remember little things like singing in church with him. The life I always dreamed of happened some time in my 30's. Isn't this depressing???
How did this happen? I don't think I like the highlights of my life being those few times when we can all get together. (Although I have a great trip planned for all of us in June!) I need to work on finding what this stage of life looks like and EMBRACING it. Not focusing on mourning how it used to be. I grumped then, too.
Usually I think I am a pretty upbeat person. My life went on when first my mom and then my dad died when I was in my 20's. I didn't mourn when the kids went off to college. I kept my sense of humor through cancer. I'm pretty sure this funk will pass tomorrow morning. But, for today, I feel sad.
Crash.
I'll go pet the naughty dogs. And give Loy a hug. Maybe take a long bath and read a book.
God will carry me in His arms. (Ps. 68:19b) and I'll snuggle up to Him and just rest.
Sunday, November 25, 2012
Saturday, November 3, 2012
11-5 Comes and Goes
That title seems to sum up a lot of my life lately. Things come and then they go.
Luke came here yesterday. YAY! But it seems like each time he comes it takes a little longer for our boy to show up. I don't mean physically. When he gets here it's like he's not the same boy we had before. He's had lots of experiences and we haven't been a part of them. He brought us a school picture of himself yesterday and had written "To Loy and Kitt" on the back. That really hurt, even though I had told him before he left that he could call us whatever he wanted.
But then, after the "new" wears off, he's back to our goofy little guy...just a goofball with long hair. He usually makes his first stop when he gets home to take his doggies outside and run them. They are thrilled!! Part of the time they don't even play together. But he feels safe with them out with him and they feel safe with him out with them, so they all stay out and play.
Today we asked some friends from last year (Levi and Evan) over to play. We got a call about half an hour before they were to come that keys had been lost and they wouldn't be able to make it. He was very sad. "When will I ever get to see them? I haven't seen them forever. Why can't they come?" I tried to distract him by offering to finish "Narnia" that we had started last night. He stayed in the chair looking out the window for about five minutes, then came in to watch. After a little bit the phone rang. You guessed it, the keys had been found and Levi and Evan would be here, just a little late. Luke said, "I know why they found their keys." I asked why. "Because I prayed for it." I'm so proud. His little heart was breaking and he prayed for his friends to come. Thank you, Jesus, for saying "Yes" to my Luke! They are downstairs making a terrible mess right now and loving every minute of it. I won't even be sad to clean it up later!
I will have days where I think, "Yes, my life is much simpler without Luke." I mean, I don't have to get up (really until 10:00, but I never sleep that late!). I don't have to drive clear down to Lincoln Christian. I can work until I'm ready to go home--don't have to make sure I'm out the door by 3:00 to pick him up at school. I can cook what Loy and I want to eat--don't have to think of a 6-year-old palate. I'm not going to lie--there are some nice benefits to being empty-nesters.
I think I'd give it all to have my little monkey sleeping in his bed every night.
God has chosen to put Luke where he's at. I don't understand how that could be better. I argue with God all the time about that. But the fact is we prayed for God to put Luke where He wants him to be and it's not with us. Trust. That's what we need to do...trust.
Today I was cleaning the kitchen and some zippy music came on my iPod speakers. I began to dance. (Not that unusual for me.) Luke had his back to me and I looked over and he was dancing away. All on his own. So at least I taught him to dance when the music is fun.
Sadness comes and goes. Luke comes and goes. Dancing music comes and goes. It's like in the Bible where it says, "and it came to pass." That means things will get better, right?
On an unrelated note, Logan was all set to run the NY Marathon tomorrow. He was on his way to the airport yesterday when I got the message, and passed it along to him, that it had been cancelled. So they made a quick change and turned south for him to run in Springfield, MO. He has a goal to run the World's Top 5 Marathons. When he ran Boston the temperature was 95 degrees or so. NYC--hurricane hits. I think he should give up running! (Well, maybe not really.)
Guess this is dull. I'll sign off now.
Kitt.
Luke came here yesterday. YAY! But it seems like each time he comes it takes a little longer for our boy to show up. I don't mean physically. When he gets here it's like he's not the same boy we had before. He's had lots of experiences and we haven't been a part of them. He brought us a school picture of himself yesterday and had written "To Loy and Kitt" on the back. That really hurt, even though I had told him before he left that he could call us whatever he wanted.
But then, after the "new" wears off, he's back to our goofy little guy...just a goofball with long hair. He usually makes his first stop when he gets home to take his doggies outside and run them. They are thrilled!! Part of the time they don't even play together. But he feels safe with them out with him and they feel safe with him out with them, so they all stay out and play.
Today we asked some friends from last year (Levi and Evan) over to play. We got a call about half an hour before they were to come that keys had been lost and they wouldn't be able to make it. He was very sad. "When will I ever get to see them? I haven't seen them forever. Why can't they come?" I tried to distract him by offering to finish "Narnia" that we had started last night. He stayed in the chair looking out the window for about five minutes, then came in to watch. After a little bit the phone rang. You guessed it, the keys had been found and Levi and Evan would be here, just a little late. Luke said, "I know why they found their keys." I asked why. "Because I prayed for it." I'm so proud. His little heart was breaking and he prayed for his friends to come. Thank you, Jesus, for saying "Yes" to my Luke! They are downstairs making a terrible mess right now and loving every minute of it. I won't even be sad to clean it up later!
I will have days where I think, "Yes, my life is much simpler without Luke." I mean, I don't have to get up (really until 10:00, but I never sleep that late!). I don't have to drive clear down to Lincoln Christian. I can work until I'm ready to go home--don't have to make sure I'm out the door by 3:00 to pick him up at school. I can cook what Loy and I want to eat--don't have to think of a 6-year-old palate. I'm not going to lie--there are some nice benefits to being empty-nesters.
I think I'd give it all to have my little monkey sleeping in his bed every night.
God has chosen to put Luke where he's at. I don't understand how that could be better. I argue with God all the time about that. But the fact is we prayed for God to put Luke where He wants him to be and it's not with us. Trust. That's what we need to do...trust.
Today I was cleaning the kitchen and some zippy music came on my iPod speakers. I began to dance. (Not that unusual for me.) Luke had his back to me and I looked over and he was dancing away. All on his own. So at least I taught him to dance when the music is fun.
Sadness comes and goes. Luke comes and goes. Dancing music comes and goes. It's like in the Bible where it says, "and it came to pass." That means things will get better, right?
On an unrelated note, Logan was all set to run the NY Marathon tomorrow. He was on his way to the airport yesterday when I got the message, and passed it along to him, that it had been cancelled. So they made a quick change and turned south for him to run in Springfield, MO. He has a goal to run the World's Top 5 Marathons. When he ran Boston the temperature was 95 degrees or so. NYC--hurricane hits. I think he should give up running! (Well, maybe not really.)
Guess this is dull. I'll sign off now.
Kitt.
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